a drummer’s wife & the tribe of widows


i am SO blessed to have a husband who knows outright what he was created to do, and that he has an outlet that allows him to do just that and provide for his family at the same time. on the downside, doing what he was created to do translates to nights, weeks and every once in a while, months of him being physically out of our lives. physically gone as the leader of our home, as our lawn mower, as our timeout enforcer, as my bed warmer, as my best friend, as ollie’s hero; 1/3 of our family unit is missing and that’s an incredibly challenging time to navigate.

we are also so very blessed to be right in the heart of a city that not only is full of musicians, but full of these unbalanced families of theirs; the road widows. road widows, tour widows, musicians widows, band wives; they’re all names we call ourselves in an effort to say “i got your back.” and we do – we really do. it’s so awesome to have friends who know the exact challenges i face in my day to day when daniel is gone. i love having people i can talk to and get parenting advice from while navigating the “dad is gone!” or the dreaded “re-entry” phase. ladies who totally understand not being as social when the husband is home but are scrambling to fill their days when they are gone. the ‘single’ moms who know that sometimes the loudest ‘i love you’ can be in the form of a coffee, a bottle of wine or a handful of flowers anonymously appearing on your porch or in your mailbox. seriously – it is amazing.

just this morning, the gospel music association hosted their “Brunch for the Band Wives” in which they set up a brunch for us, arrange (AND PAY FOR!) childcare, and just love on us for a few hours – be it through food, mingling time, or what has been the most important and challenging to me, the q&a time with veteran “road widows.” i am not exaggerating when i say that this morning, i experienced one of the most powerful, freeing, uplifting and healing prayer experiences of my life. it wasn’t scripted, it wasn’t rehearsed – it was raw and real. in the moment. snot dripping everywhere with apparently no tissues anywhere in the building…we were prayed over. our marriages, our children, our homes, the ministries that we as the ‘back home support’ carry, most of the time without even realizing it.</div

in a room full of women with different stories but this unifying qualifier of “band wife,” we in the moment, came together to have fear cast out of our daily lives. i wasn’t aware of how much i needed it. my eyes were finally opened to the fact that the enemy has been working HARD in my world this week, and blind to it, i was letting him chip away at my soul. surrounded by friends new and a little less new, i physically felt a weight in my heart disappear during this prayer.

i’ve been standing a little taller today. i’m not worried about the random things that have happened in my neighborhood this week and me being home alone while dealing with them. i’m not stressing about the big weekend i have coming up at work. i gave into a silly (to me) request from my husband that i just flat out didn’t feel confident enough to partake in.

i just need to have a morning like that, once a week. to remind, recenter & refresh myself in this crazy life i live being married to a touring musician.


3 thoughts on “a drummer’s wife & the tribe of widows

  1. “I am SO blessed to have a husband who knows outright what he was created to do, and that he has an outlet that allows him to do just that and provide for his family at the same time.”

    AMEN, sister! As tough as it is, that's what makes the difference. How lucky we are! 🙂


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